I posted a version of this article over a year ago, but I always felt I needed to come back and polish it up a bit, so apologies for running what, at first glance, appears to be a rerun.
Back in 1963, an insurance company hired Harvey Ball, a graphic artist, to conjure up something that would cheer up its workers. With a little help, presumably, from his muse — who I’m pretty sure was Satan or one of his cousins (Beelzebub, Bael, Bieber, etc.) — Harvey whipped up the little graphic number we know today as the smiley face.
Yeah, the smiley face, the proto-emoji that spawned all the others, the frowny-face emoji, the winky-face emoji, the kissy-face emoji, and the Grumpy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, and Dopey-faced emojis.
As a result, the collective writing skills of the world, already weak, tanked further. To hell with conveying nuance, irony, wit, or good ol' fashioned humor; all you need to do now is slap an emoticon on the end of your email or note and people will know your true meaning because they run the entire gamut of human emotions. Why say, “I love you, Shnookums,” when a smiley face with heart-shaped eyes will do it for you?
Unfortunately for Harvey, he couldn’t cash in on his invention. While sales of happy-face buttons surpassed 50 million by 1971, his total take for his satanic invention was only 45 bucks because he never thought to trademark it. (Insert frowny face emoji here).
Maybe I'd be more forgiving (and sympathetic) of Harvey if his smiley face had the intended effect of actually making people happy. Unfortunately, happiness is a lot more enigmatic and elusive than that, especially in these nut-busting, gut-wrenching times.
Of course, even questioning or discussing happiness might be an incorrect strategy. British philosopher John Stuart Mill wrote, "Ask yourself if you are happy and you cease to be so." American philosopher Eric Hoffer echoed the sentiment in writing, "The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness."
Still we beat on, boats against the current, trying to come up with definitions. Some, while simplistic, have at least a grain of truth to them.
Consider the advice given by singer songwriter Jimmy Soul in 1963:
“If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
Because from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.”
Simplistic? Downright pedestrian? Sexist? Yes, yes, and yes, but consider All-Star Pittsburgh Pirates rookie phenom Paul Skenes who might well serve as a living testament to that song. You see, Skenes, while not married, dates gymnastics star and social media sensation Olivia Dunne.
Tell me, do you think he ever gets a good night’s sleep, imagining all the swinging dicks hitting on his delectable sweetie with her terrific conformations? Imagining her using these legions of boy toys as fleshy pommel horses? (Insert eggplant emoji here.)
Hell no. Probably his average fastball of 99.2 MPH is largely the product of paranoia and fear and jealousy. So yeah, maybe get an ugly girl to marry (or date) you. I’m of course being facetious. Sort of.
And while people with no money scoff at the old chestnut, "money can't buy happiness," it's probably true. Philip Brickman, a psychologist, described something he coined the "hedonic treadmill." Apparently, winning the lottery or coming into large amounts in general makes you less likely to derive pleasure from normal or “vanilla” events like buying things, talking to friends, or running naked through fields of wheat.
Of course, there are exceptions to this. Writer Eric Weiner, author of “The Geography of Bliss,” describes yet another study that showed that women who bought big breasts never tire of the enjoyment it brings them, and presumably others, including the small boys to which they sometimes provide shade. (One more eggplant emoji here, please.)
And while Sartre said, "Hell is other people," it doesn't seem to be entirely true. Social scientists estimate that 70 percent of our happiness comes from our relationships, both their quantity and quality, with friends, family, coworkers, and even neighbors.
Likewise, usefulness or a sense of doing good seems to spawn happiness. While lawyers and bankers rank very low on the happiness scale, physical therapists, clergy, nurses, and firefighters score high.
And of course, we can’t forget the wise words of philosopher/singer Pharrell Williams, who posited that happiness can be achieved by clapping if you feel “like a room without a roof.” (What the fuck does that even mean?!?)
But then again, too much happiness might be a problem, too. Here's a news clipping from a Pakistani news service that appeared in Weiner’s book:
Multan, March 16: A prisoner Haq-Nawaz, 70, died in New Central Jail Bhawalpur last evening when he was told that court has suspended his imprisonment and ordered to release him. When the jail authorities informed him that he was going to be released on Thursday, he could not control the happiness and his pulses [sic] stopped due to overexcitement. Haq-Nawaz's body was handed over to his relatives for burial.
So it goes.
To shed light on this modern malady, this unhappiness of not being happy, a wide range of people, including scientists, doctors, artists, philosophers, and even Tibetan Buddhists convene every year in various locations to discuss happiness and its causes. Hence its name: “The Happiness and Its Causes Conference.”
A few years ago, WebMd synopsized some of the main obstacles to happiness examined at the conference and listed some ways to overcome these barriers. Here are a few of them, followed by a few recommendations I've picked up while dragging my dick across this largely unhappy planet for lo, these relatively many years.
But first, I have to credentialize myself. I actually studied happiness – formally -- for 7 years. For real. I attended informal classes and one-on-one sessions with a PhD psychologist who’d devoted his life to studying the concept. So, while there are no degrees granted for studying happiness, I at least have the equivalent of a Bachelor of Arts in Happiness and am qualified to teach it at a community-college level.
Go fightin’ Leopard Slugs of Cloud Nine Academy!
Anyhow, here’s a synopsis of some of the stuff WebMD came up with:
Happiness Barrier #1: Complexity
Solution: Simplify
Thupten Jinpa, schooled in Buddhist monasteries since youth, while no longer a monk, likes to apply some lessons of monkhood to his secular life. For instance, he and his wife only keep one car -- fewer costs, less maintenance, and less pain in the Bodhisattva. Similarly, he only keeps one credit card to minimize the temptation to buy shit.
"We often conflate quality of life with standard of life, says Jinpa, "but after a point the connection [between the two] disappears.”
I can get on board with that.
Happiness Barrier #2: A Breakneck Pace
Solution: Take a Pause
Robina Cortin, a Buddhist nun and the organizer of the “Happiness and its Causes Conference,” recommends taking a pause every day to "recharge your batteries" and in thus doing, increase your happiness.
This is something we hear every day and it’s getting to be a bit of a snore. (Insert sleepy emoji here.)
Happiness Barrier #3: Negativity
Solution: Let Go
"Your prison is nothing in comparison with the inner prison of ordinary people: the prison of attachment, the prison of anger, the prison of depression, the prison of pride."
That's what Lama Zopa Rinpoche said to a California prisoner.
Granted, Lama Zopa probably didn't consider anal rape, having a shiv lodged in your liver, having Jeffrey Dahmer’s equally carnivorous cousin, Todd, as your cellmate or other prison problems, but his point is well taken by those of us who aren't in prison.
The point, of course, is that we should give up these neurotic obsessions.
My Turn
While the preceding suggestions are okay, they’re rather common sensical and come off a little like some of that Jordan Peterson horseshit from his “12 Rules for Life” book, e.g., “stand up straight with your shoulders back.” Apparently, it has something to do with humans being like lobsters. For real.
To be accurate, the preceding suggestions should be described as things that alleviate anxiety instead of things that lead to happiness. Of course, anxiety is a Yoko-Ono-and-the-Beatles caliber of drag, so eliminating it would certainly make happiness possible.
That brings us to my list, a list which is too meaty to include in its entirety. These happiness appetizers are hardly a complete or foolproof recipe for happiness and it’s unlikely you’ll find any tacked onto the wall of a Buddhist monk, but you might find them useful, nonetheless.
Of course, you might also find them ridiculous and shallow. That’s okay, I can handle it.
1. Color Outside the Lines
When I say, “color outside the lines,” I’m not talking about the time President Trump magic-markered a new penis-shaped path for hurricane Dorian onto a map of Florida, which, since Florida already looks like a penis, gave the state twopenises. I’m talking about taking chances, flaunting convention, or even doing dangerous things.
"Dangerous" is a relative term, of course. Obviously, when all those selfie-takers fall off cliffs, drown in oceans, or are eaten by the bears they’ve stumbled on in the woods, it probably didn’t lead to happiness.
What I mean is to force yourself to do things outside your comfort zone, things where the outcome is unknown. I'm not talking about mindless recreation for the sake of recreation, doing stuff solely for the sake of distracting yourself from your otherwise miserable life.
I'm talking about continually opening your mind to new experiences so that it can continue to learn about this here thing we call life. I’m talking about pissing on parental or societal expectations. Hell, it may require you to move to another city so you can reinvent yourself, but it may well be worth it.
Coloring outside the lines or doing dangerous things are the things from which memories are made; these are the things that will make you smile when, inevitably, you're engaged in the occasional inescapable humdrumness of everyday life.
Do enough dangerous things and you'll want to replay the video of your life repeatedly in your mind. In other words, if your life were a movie, make sure it contains lots of scenes like when Captain America picked up Mjolnir, when Little Miss Sunshine hit the dancefloor, or when Anna punched Hans in “Frozen.”
2. Find the Goose to Your Maverick
I have mixed feelings about marriage. Most people – at least based on their current level of development -- shouldn't get married. It so often leads to misery. It’s mostly because people put a lot more thought into what kind of car they want to buy and whether they should spring for the roof rack than they do in deciding what kind of attributes they want in a spouse.
Most people can’t even define love, let alone practice it. I say “practice” because despite the dronings-on of a million insipid pop ballads or wanna-be poets, love is a skill. It should not only be felt, but it should also be practiced, it should be demonstrated by actions.
And then there’s the motivation behind getting married. Most people do it because they're looking for someone to make them feel good through feelings of security, approval, and passion. That and they need a warm body in the next room, and I’m not talking about a warm body for sex. I mean a warm body to yell at when they’re watching TV: “Hey, Mr. Howell doesn’t know that it was the gorilla that stole Mrs. Howell’s jewelry!”
And sure, there’s the sex thing, but physical passion usually dies. Security and approval are selfish desires that could just as well be fulfilled by a large, slobbery dog.
If you're truly mature enough to handle a marriage, you look for someone who you can share reality and purpose with; you look for someone you can share quintessential (emotionally and sensually perfect) moments with.
You need the Goose to your Maverick. If Viper challenges you to a game of beach volleyball, you gotta' oil each other up and take that spikey-haired prick down. A wife or husband or committed person is your teammate in life. The right teammate makes life infinitely easier and happier.
3. Fill Your Life with Experiences
I’m going to confess something, something embarrassing given that I’ve just spent several hundred words pontificating how you can live your best life.
Here is it. Each year, I save my money to go on a relatively lavish vacation to French Polynesia (Tahiti, Bora Bora, coconuts and grass skirts and all that). I’ve done it 14 times. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great and that’s kind of the point. Looking back on the previous decade or two of my life, those trips are pretty much the only thing I remember, the only things that stand out from the drudgery.
See what I’m getting at? We need experiences so that we can savor life, so we can prime that dopamine pump. We need experiences so we can slow down time and when we inevitably sit down to savor our life, there’s something in the memory banks to savor.
I worked too much and waited for the light and went without the meat and cursed the bread, and it’s no wonder that one calm summer night, I didn’t go home and put a bullet through my head. (My apologies to the poet EA Robinson for ripping off his rhyme.)
I went to work at 6:30 AM, worked out at 9:00 AM, had lunch at noon, dinner at 6, and went to bed at 11:00.
“I said, ‘one o’clock’ as though I could see it, and Monday as though I could find it on a map; and I let myself be hurried along from minute to minute, day to day, year to year, as though I were actually moving from one place to another. Like everyone else, I lived in a house bricked up with seconds and minutes, weekends and New Year’s Days, and I never went outside until I died, because there was no other door. Now I know I could have walked through the walls. – The skeleton in ‘The Last Unicorn,’ by Peter S. Beagle
So, plan stuff. Do stuff. Walk through walls. I’m not suggesting you forgo reading and going to Yoga class or shit like that, only that you shouldn’t live your life like a goldfish in a bowl (like I often did).
4. Master a New Skill
In my experience, people seem to be happier/happiest when they’re learning something new and practicing it until they attain a certain level of mastery. I’ll give you an example: I’ve been taking drawing classes for a while now. It was excruciating at first because I sucked so mightily, but now I’m getting pretty darn good at it.
Just the other day, I traced my hand to create the body of a turkey and then I added a googly eye, a wattle, and some feathers. Then I colored it with some crayons. Pretty damn cool, huh? My wife even hung it on the refrigerator, where all fine art should be displayed.
Nah, I can draw better stuff than that. Anyhow, the point is, the mastering a new skill, whether it be drawing, painting, woodworking, or even a new language makes us feel accomplished and builds true self-esteem.
If you doubt me, think back on the times in your life you were happiest. If it didn’t involve sex, listening to music, eating, or other sensory experiences (like conscious travel, which is just a means to experiencing more sensory experiences), it probably involved you learning and hopefully mastering some skill.
Here’s an excellent quote from another essayist, Logan Pearsall Smith:
The indefatigable pursuit of an unattainable perfection, even though it consists in nothing more than in the pounding of an old piano, is what alone gives a meaning to our life on this unavailing star.
Amen.
That's about it. I know dozens of others, but I'm saving those to put on the bottom of a smiley face poster and really rake in some dough. (Insert smiley face with dollar signs for eyes here.)
###
Heya,
Liked the re-do, everyone is different, the whole "different strokes for different folks" certainly applies to happiness, contentment, etc., IMO. My wife and I are from VASTLY different cultures (White Midwestern farm family compared to Carribean fishing family), religion (raised Lutheran but am agnostic at best mostly atheist, compared to something I would describe as island witchcraft).
>I am NOT kidding<
How 2 completely different people met, married, had kids (and grandkids) and found happiness is something that would encompass a book, for real. We've been happy for decades, I consider myself the luckiest man alive, I sh*t you not. Has there been challenges, downfalls, tragedy and the like...of course, but thus is life.
Being passionate about something, learning something you're interested in, whatever it is that peaks your interest, invigorates you, motivates you...whatever floats your boat, go do it...seems simple enough. Right?
Fantastic fall day here in Minnesota, going out on the pontoon and putter around the lake, and think of our coming trip to Belize, and scuba diving in the best place on earth to do it...talk about happy.
Have a great weekend, take care.