Interesting................................... But seriously. TC, I know that we sometimes don't see eye to eye on things, but I am proud to know you. I have a great deal of respect for what you have accomplished over the years. I frequently talk about your ideas and I referred a lot of people to TN because of you.
From my tangential perspective, and this may be shocking, my father basically did not give a visible f**k about anything I accomplished as an adult. He more or less knew what federal agency I worked for over the years, but never demonstrated to me any interest in my career, what I was working on, etcetera. And damn it, I had an interesting job!!! This lack of interest extended into my personal life as well. I even moved back to my parent's home state partly to forge a better relationship with my father. Maybe it is the eternal desire for approval and praise from a parent on the part of the child. I don't know. I think it might be a Scandinavian thing. The Danish concept of janteloven (The Law of Jante); nobody stands out. You don't get praised for doing what you are supposed to do.
"Interesting" Ha! You scoundrel! THANK YOU very much for the sentiment and the post. I didn't know that about your dad. That's really too bad, but I'm becoming aware of just how common it is. Coincidentally, I was just shown a picture of your parents this morning for the first time ever! (Janice had it on her phone.) I'm going to have to look up that Danish concept! And we'll talk about our jobs the next time we see each other! Thanks!
Yes! I look forward to it! Curiously, the only compliments I received from my dad came indirectly from people that knew him. So he talked about me to them. Just not to me.
I feel you, considering what TN was back in the day (early 2000's), and what it is now...a political/multi level marketing scheme (seemingly) geared to push-push-push for the almighty dollar. I made the mistake of putting my toes into the water of the political side of things, and was gifted with a moderator who went off the rails, someone (not saying mod) who stalked my family, businesses, and even called the cops (swatting), considering our racial makeup, was quite dangerous.
Rant/over
So...onto the dilemma of TC, let me try to outline an analogy I have in my head, that may eventually work, or fall on it's face completely. After 30+ years of owning multiple businesses, we decided to sell everything, to what we thought was a "friendly" investor who said all the right things in the right ways.
After carrying said businesses and employees through the pandemic at a hefty sum, we had a profit sharing plan in place for employees depending on their years of employment. Was a basic "thank you", while we rode off into the sunset. Of course life, people, fate, karma, you name it...well shit happens, right?
New owners decide to bring in their people, almost all former employees replaced, and of course what we thought was altruistic turns into an act of betrayal and greed, to the degree we're now moving out of our home, our city, even some (former) friends have bought into this whole fabrication.
I think it's far better at times to remain behind the curtain per say, yes, agreed, we all want/need acknowledgement, a pat on the back, the old "atta boy". Sometimes there is a price to be paid for that, especially nowadays, that I can't fathom let's say before the advent of the internet.
I KNOW your talent, your wit, the ability to dissect, research and disseminate to the masses in a readable/understandable way. I "get" you don't want to do all the things involved to market, scheme, gladhand, kiss ass, etc., but as with a great many things these days, it's all about perception.
So, what will it be at this point, reach for that brass ring, or be content with all the due respect from those who do appreciate and acknowledge you? I'm certainly not saying either/or, but other than the shitshow that is TN now, I know you're so far above that BS, you should have moved on years ago. (I'm sure you had your reasons, don't take that wrong)
There may have been an analogy in there somewhere concerning careful what you wish for type of thing, but turned into a chapter I had to revisit and lost where I was going, my apologies.
Like I said, what sells nowadays is controversy, drama, the more out there you get, the better I guess. I think you've got the goods to scare the bejesus out of folks, it's all right there, would that EVER be your approach, not sure my man, but sometimes you need to think outside the box, go at things a different way.
Been here for decades, hopefully have some of those left, lol, I'm along for the ride either way.
...would love to scare the bejesus out of folks with some political commentary (because that's my contact sport), but I'd probably lose more people than I gained. Not to mention that I'd have to grow eyes in the back of my head. Oh well. BTW, what kind of business did you have?
Insomnia seems to get worse the older I get, someone needs to write a manual on this shit!
Multiple businesses, large community gym (full spectrum, pools, etc), lumber yard, restaurants, including fast food. As the smaller communities grew to the west of the cities (Mpls/St. Paul) grew, we were fortunate enough to have grown with them.
Of course with the pandemic, the pivoting involved was a massive undertaking, and honestly, with the rise of the far right, our interracial family just wasn't safe anymore in rural Minnesota. While one would think to look at me nobody would be yelling racial slurs at the family...one would be wrong. (I am large/white, the wife is black, kids/grandkids bi-racial of course) >Note, anyone who denies the uptick in racism these days isn't seeing things from outside their perspective<
After quite a few incidents, it's just time to sell everything, and get the hell away from a community we/I loved for 6+ decades. We have kids closer to the cities, and are going to try that, otherwise we'll do Belize 6 months, and figure out the rest. When the police come to your house with guns drawn and your kids/grandkids are there, and some racial BS was said and done...time to go. (the swatting incident mentioned)
Anyways, all sorts of irritated these days, not that it shows. **sarcasm alert, sarcasm alert**
Yeah, this whole wtf do I do now thing...sucks ass...right? :P
Good lord, sorry to hear all that. Too bad a certain politician gave his followers permission to be their worst selves. Maybe a city would treat your family better. Too bad if it has to come to that, though. Again, my sympathies.
Great post! Thanks much! I'll respond to some of your other points later, but regarding T Nation, I'm freaked that one of the mods went after you like that. My sincere belated apologies! (I'd like to hear more about that some time). As far as T-Nation's current push-push-push-push, I think it's because they're not making any money -- an act of desperation. Ironically, it's probably hurting sales MORE. Also ironic is the observation that Testosterone Nation is in sore need of some testosterone replacement therapy.
Your articles and especially your book Atomic Dog which I think every teenage male should read made me a big fan. Always look forward to reading your articles.
For fiction writers, it is a given that your friends and family, with the occasional exception, will not read your work. Especially novels. If they do, they’re not likely to read more than one. New writers get hurt by this all the time, but it is simply the way of things. Old writers know this is the way. I tried to spread the info when I can so people won’t be hurt or surprised.
Even if your friends are avid readers, they’re not likely to read your work unless it’s in their favorite sub genres.
Family and friends likely won’t ask you any specifics about your work, only vague generalities. Which is okay, they know enough about the shop to do the talk.
I agree, but I guess I just can't abide by that fact of life. I'm too innocent a babe for this world. Personally, I like to think I have an enormous empathy hard-on that's ready for action any time of day and I try to make it a point to ask friends and family members about stuff that's important to them.
I believe Aubrey has now read 13 out of the 16 books I’ve written. My mom read one. One of my friends read a couple. And another read at least five. That’s probably way above average.
I would freak if a girlfriend or wife of mine DIDN'T read my work. Good for Aubrey, all the same. Look at it this way: If you just met a girl that you were interested in or in love with, you'd want to know everything about her. You'd ask questions, you'd read her hypothetical books or articles. Same thing if you found a new passion, i.e., photography or art or even a "bitchin'" new car -- you'd want to learn everything you could about it/them. Why, this babe in the woods asks, should it be so different for friends or family members that supposedly care about us?
I think with artistic stuff people barely know how to ask anything more than, “How’s your work going?” Or “Do you have a new book out?”
Also, a lot of people are resentful of people who don’t nine to five grind. I had a friend like that who couldn’t be supportive and was clearly resentful.
And I do wonder if it takes the magic out of the work when you know someone. “I can’t appreciate your fiction because I’ve smelled your farts. So clearly you’re not one of the magical greats.”
Ah! The old proximity bias. Yeah, I can see that. I've got people in my life who ignore my nutritional advice yet hang (or hung) on every word of advice in Parade Magazine (if that's even out there anymore).
I can imagine how frustrating that is. I can tell a family member diet info that I’ve researched extensively that they should look into, but it carries zero weight compared to a random Facebook post.
I think many are scared of giving out "acknowledgement" for fear of upsetting people. I say that because I used to behave the same way, and it was hard to change my own behaviour, to not give a damn, because maybe they just need to hear what I have to say.
Now a days, I've found that I have to actively seek "acknowledgement" from others before they are willing to give it to me. Just because I know how hard it is to change myself, so I can't expect others to. Maybe you could do something similar?
For what it's worth, I've been following you for a while on TNation, ans was dismayed when I noticed you were writing fewer and fewer articles for them. So I'm elated to have found your substack. I find your way of writing very engaging and digestible, so keep up the good work dude.
Hey! Glad you found me! Yeah, T nation wanted me to start writing nothing but articles that pushed supplements so I gave them the old Irish goodbye and disappeared without so much as an adios. As far as what you suggestion, I don't know. It might only make me more jaded (which is saying a lot!). Thanks again.
I've got my 5 yr old grandson staying with me for the next few days, and I must admit your piece here inspired me to prod him more, as you suggested, in our conversations.
There you go, Theodore Calvin, "approval" and "acknowledgment" just for you!
Interesting................................... But seriously. TC, I know that we sometimes don't see eye to eye on things, but I am proud to know you. I have a great deal of respect for what you have accomplished over the years. I frequently talk about your ideas and I referred a lot of people to TN because of you.
From my tangential perspective, and this may be shocking, my father basically did not give a visible f**k about anything I accomplished as an adult. He more or less knew what federal agency I worked for over the years, but never demonstrated to me any interest in my career, what I was working on, etcetera. And damn it, I had an interesting job!!! This lack of interest extended into my personal life as well. I even moved back to my parent's home state partly to forge a better relationship with my father. Maybe it is the eternal desire for approval and praise from a parent on the part of the child. I don't know. I think it might be a Scandinavian thing. The Danish concept of janteloven (The Law of Jante); nobody stands out. You don't get praised for doing what you are supposed to do.
I ramble...............................
"Interesting" Ha! You scoundrel! THANK YOU very much for the sentiment and the post. I didn't know that about your dad. That's really too bad, but I'm becoming aware of just how common it is. Coincidentally, I was just shown a picture of your parents this morning for the first time ever! (Janice had it on her phone.) I'm going to have to look up that Danish concept! And we'll talk about our jobs the next time we see each other! Thanks!
Yes! I look forward to it! Curiously, the only compliments I received from my dad came indirectly from people that knew him. So he talked about me to them. Just not to me.
So he basked in your reflective glory without giving you any consideration. Drag.
Heya,
I feel you, considering what TN was back in the day (early 2000's), and what it is now...a political/multi level marketing scheme (seemingly) geared to push-push-push for the almighty dollar. I made the mistake of putting my toes into the water of the political side of things, and was gifted with a moderator who went off the rails, someone (not saying mod) who stalked my family, businesses, and even called the cops (swatting), considering our racial makeup, was quite dangerous.
Rant/over
So...onto the dilemma of TC, let me try to outline an analogy I have in my head, that may eventually work, or fall on it's face completely. After 30+ years of owning multiple businesses, we decided to sell everything, to what we thought was a "friendly" investor who said all the right things in the right ways.
After carrying said businesses and employees through the pandemic at a hefty sum, we had a profit sharing plan in place for employees depending on their years of employment. Was a basic "thank you", while we rode off into the sunset. Of course life, people, fate, karma, you name it...well shit happens, right?
New owners decide to bring in their people, almost all former employees replaced, and of course what we thought was altruistic turns into an act of betrayal and greed, to the degree we're now moving out of our home, our city, even some (former) friends have bought into this whole fabrication.
I think it's far better at times to remain behind the curtain per say, yes, agreed, we all want/need acknowledgement, a pat on the back, the old "atta boy". Sometimes there is a price to be paid for that, especially nowadays, that I can't fathom let's say before the advent of the internet.
I KNOW your talent, your wit, the ability to dissect, research and disseminate to the masses in a readable/understandable way. I "get" you don't want to do all the things involved to market, scheme, gladhand, kiss ass, etc., but as with a great many things these days, it's all about perception.
So, what will it be at this point, reach for that brass ring, or be content with all the due respect from those who do appreciate and acknowledge you? I'm certainly not saying either/or, but other than the shitshow that is TN now, I know you're so far above that BS, you should have moved on years ago. (I'm sure you had your reasons, don't take that wrong)
There may have been an analogy in there somewhere concerning careful what you wish for type of thing, but turned into a chapter I had to revisit and lost where I was going, my apologies.
Like I said, what sells nowadays is controversy, drama, the more out there you get, the better I guess. I think you've got the goods to scare the bejesus out of folks, it's all right there, would that EVER be your approach, not sure my man, but sometimes you need to think outside the box, go at things a different way.
Been here for decades, hopefully have some of those left, lol, I'm along for the ride either way.
Take care.
...would love to scare the bejesus out of folks with some political commentary (because that's my contact sport), but I'd probably lose more people than I gained. Not to mention that I'd have to grow eyes in the back of my head. Oh well. BTW, what kind of business did you have?
Heya,
Insomnia seems to get worse the older I get, someone needs to write a manual on this shit!
Multiple businesses, large community gym (full spectrum, pools, etc), lumber yard, restaurants, including fast food. As the smaller communities grew to the west of the cities (Mpls/St. Paul) grew, we were fortunate enough to have grown with them.
Of course with the pandemic, the pivoting involved was a massive undertaking, and honestly, with the rise of the far right, our interracial family just wasn't safe anymore in rural Minnesota. While one would think to look at me nobody would be yelling racial slurs at the family...one would be wrong. (I am large/white, the wife is black, kids/grandkids bi-racial of course) >Note, anyone who denies the uptick in racism these days isn't seeing things from outside their perspective<
After quite a few incidents, it's just time to sell everything, and get the hell away from a community we/I loved for 6+ decades. We have kids closer to the cities, and are going to try that, otherwise we'll do Belize 6 months, and figure out the rest. When the police come to your house with guns drawn and your kids/grandkids are there, and some racial BS was said and done...time to go. (the swatting incident mentioned)
Anyways, all sorts of irritated these days, not that it shows. **sarcasm alert, sarcasm alert**
Yeah, this whole wtf do I do now thing...sucks ass...right? :P
Take care.
Good lord, sorry to hear all that. Too bad a certain politician gave his followers permission to be their worst selves. Maybe a city would treat your family better. Too bad if it has to come to that, though. Again, my sympathies.
Great post! Thanks much! I'll respond to some of your other points later, but regarding T Nation, I'm freaked that one of the mods went after you like that. My sincere belated apologies! (I'd like to hear more about that some time). As far as T-Nation's current push-push-push-push, I think it's because they're not making any money -- an act of desperation. Ironically, it's probably hurting sales MORE. Also ironic is the observation that Testosterone Nation is in sore need of some testosterone replacement therapy.
Interesting post. 😉
Seriously though, I get that ache for acknowledgment and commend the risk you took putting that ache out there.
Thanks! ("Interesting"...I oughta' I oughta' (shaking my fist threateningly).
Your articles and especially your book Atomic Dog which I think every teenage male should read made me a big fan. Always look forward to reading your articles.
Thanks! Although I wish I could rewrite those books. Some of the stuff hasn't aged well!
I find copies on ebay once in awhile. Gave 1 to my grandson and 1 to my nephew. Hopefully one day they will give em a read.
For fiction writers, it is a given that your friends and family, with the occasional exception, will not read your work. Especially novels. If they do, they’re not likely to read more than one. New writers get hurt by this all the time, but it is simply the way of things. Old writers know this is the way. I tried to spread the info when I can so people won’t be hurt or surprised.
Even if your friends are avid readers, they’re not likely to read your work unless it’s in their favorite sub genres.
Family and friends likely won’t ask you any specifics about your work, only vague generalities. Which is okay, they know enough about the shop to do the talk.
I’ve come to embrace it all.
I agree, but I guess I just can't abide by that fact of life. I'm too innocent a babe for this world. Personally, I like to think I have an enormous empathy hard-on that's ready for action any time of day and I try to make it a point to ask friends and family members about stuff that's important to them.
I believe Aubrey has now read 13 out of the 16 books I’ve written. My mom read one. One of my friends read a couple. And another read at least five. That’s probably way above average.
I would freak if a girlfriend or wife of mine DIDN'T read my work. Good for Aubrey, all the same. Look at it this way: If you just met a girl that you were interested in or in love with, you'd want to know everything about her. You'd ask questions, you'd read her hypothetical books or articles. Same thing if you found a new passion, i.e., photography or art or even a "bitchin'" new car -- you'd want to learn everything you could about it/them. Why, this babe in the woods asks, should it be so different for friends or family members that supposedly care about us?
I think with artistic stuff people barely know how to ask anything more than, “How’s your work going?” Or “Do you have a new book out?”
Also, a lot of people are resentful of people who don’t nine to five grind. I had a friend like that who couldn’t be supportive and was clearly resentful.
And I do wonder if it takes the magic out of the work when you know someone. “I can’t appreciate your fiction because I’ve smelled your farts. So clearly you’re not one of the magical greats.”
Ah! The old proximity bias. Yeah, I can see that. I've got people in my life who ignore my nutritional advice yet hang (or hung) on every word of advice in Parade Magazine (if that's even out there anymore).
I can imagine how frustrating that is. I can tell a family member diet info that I’ve researched extensively that they should look into, but it carries zero weight compared to a random Facebook post.
I think many are scared of giving out "acknowledgement" for fear of upsetting people. I say that because I used to behave the same way, and it was hard to change my own behaviour, to not give a damn, because maybe they just need to hear what I have to say.
Now a days, I've found that I have to actively seek "acknowledgement" from others before they are willing to give it to me. Just because I know how hard it is to change myself, so I can't expect others to. Maybe you could do something similar?
For what it's worth, I've been following you for a while on TNation, ans was dismayed when I noticed you were writing fewer and fewer articles for them. So I'm elated to have found your substack. I find your way of writing very engaging and digestible, so keep up the good work dude.
Hey! Glad you found me! Yeah, T nation wanted me to start writing nothing but articles that pushed supplements so I gave them the old Irish goodbye and disappeared without so much as an adios. As far as what you suggestion, I don't know. It might only make me more jaded (which is saying a lot!). Thanks again.
I've got my 5 yr old grandson staying with me for the next few days, and I must admit your piece here inspired me to prod him more, as you suggested, in our conversations.
There you go, Theodore Calvin, "approval" and "acknowledgment" just for you!
Excellent! Please let me know how it goes with your grandson! ("Theodore Calvin"? Not even close!)